Show yourself some love...

Happy February! It's the month of love.

Whether you roll your eyes at Valentines or decorate

your entire house with hearts, we can all agree love is a vital part of humanity. So many types of love, and today I am talking about the most basic and important of all loves, the love of self. We are often taught that being selfless and serving others is the highest form of love but if we don't first love & care for ourselves, we are serving from an empty vessel. And that comes with unwanted side effects like exhaustion and resentment.

How is self love related to nervous system health? Glad you asked! Aside from them both being fundamental for a well-lived life, they are interconnected. When we experience physical or emotional trauma, neglect, or even prolonged stress (such as living through a global pandemic eh-ehm) it all gets contained in our bodies and creates the same, predictable response-the stress response involving specific parts of the brain, the adrenal glands, vagus nerve and entire nervous system. And if you have an extra sensitive sensory system and/or neurodivergent brain such as ASD or ADHD, it magnifies the situation even more.

I will try not to get too nerdy about the physiology of it all right now (email me if you're interested & I will!) but the physiological state of our body strongly influences our thoughts AND we tend to create narratives about ourselves & others to match that physiological state. Go ahead and read that last part again. Stressed out body=stressed out mind. The good news is, we can reverse this and create the loop of calm body=calm mind.

To start breaking this cycle, we use both a physical and mental approach. Enter self love. Self love allows us to prioritize ourselves and our needs. Women are especially conditioned and expected to prioritize everyone else's needs before our own, at any cost. But when we start to take care of our needs & show ourselves love, we start to rebuild trust with ourselves. As we start to trust ourselves, we start to relax our bodies. We can exhale and can let our guard down. As we relax our bodies, we build capacity in our nervous system. As our nervous system capacity expands, so does healing, resilience and the ability to feel joy.

This process doesn't happen overnight but we can start practicing self love and self care in small ways. Even if we don't feel capable of loving ourselves, we can choose to act as if we do. Even a tiny step in that direction has a profound impact. It is never too late to learn to love yourself. Three of the top ways to start this process of authentic self love, which I will expand on over the next three weeks, is:

1. Respond to your body's cues as quickly as possible (re-parenting)

2. Become aware of your inner critic and learn to quiet them

3. Spend quality time with yourself- Practice being

In our hectic, fast paced society, we tend to neglect our basic needs. We often ignore the hunger pangs in our tummies, the exhaustion from lack of sleep and delay emptying our full bladders (or is that just me??). With a history of trauma and/or a neurodivergent mind, the disconnect from our bodies is compounded. We put off (consciously or unconsciously) responding to our basic physical needs so we can keep pushing forward with our agenda. But by listening & responding to our physical cues, we are connecting with ourselves in the present moment & giving ourselves the message: we are important, our needs matter.

What message have you been giving yourself?

If you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed, instead of continuing to power through, think of caring for a small child and then take care of yourself how you would take care of them. This is being attuned to our needs; something we may or may not have learned growing up. It is a skill we can learn now though! When we take the time to nurture ourselves through responding to our physical needs, we are practicing self love & regulating our nervous system.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it:

Practice responding to your basic physical needs as quickly and lovingly as possible this week. Notice how that feels.

Tonight when you're falling asleep and/or tomorrow morning, when you're waking up, take an extended stretch and ask yourself, what do I need today? Then listen. Some days it may be-to go for a walk, have a green drink or call a friend, and other days it may be to order pizza, lay on the couch and watch your favorite show. No judgment; just trust this answer and attempt to give that to yourself. That is true self care.

Did any of this strike a chord? If so, I'd love to hear back from you!

Next time, I'll go into how we can build self love by learning to quiet our inner critic.

With much love, Michelle

Michelle Foreman, OT, CTP

Licensed Occupational Therapist

Certified Trauma Professional

Somatic Coach and Educator