Tea time! A simple practice to foster self love & nervous system regulation.

Continuing with the theme of practicing self love for a healthy nervous system, I'd like to share an exercise that was inspired by a dinner I had this week with two of my favorite people. We all ordered hot herbal tea and I was reminded of how connecting with yourself and the external environment can be as simple as holding a warm cup of liquid and feeling the sensation of heat in your hands. Also, spending time with people you love and who love, accept and support you, is an important part of regulating our nervous system. (In a future post, I will write about the importance of the vagus nerve, co-regulation and the “social engagement system”).

The practice of spending quality time with yourself is being fully in the present moment, aware of our inner world & connected to our external environment through our senses.

The following exercise allows you to pause, slow down and connect with yourself. Let me explain the why first. When we have chronic stress, anxiety or trauma, our sympathetic (fight/flight/freeze/fawn) response is “on” running in the background and we tend to be hyper-vigilant. We may startle easily, feel irritable or have intrusive thoughts. We may find it hard to relax. This state is very costly to our body’s drive for homeostasis and is not sustainable long term without physical and mental health consequences. From the outside, it may not look like we have any concerns, but on the inside, our biology tells a different story. As a matter of fact, you may not even be aware of it because it is your “normal”. This is how it was for me before I started this work. I was unaware of the effects it had on me (and my child). This is especially true if there is intergenerational trauma, or a legacy of trauma in your family. The good news is that it is always possible to heal and this is a simple, effective way to start to connect and calm your nervous system. Ok, on to the practice!

As always, the most important thing in all of this work is to do what feels right for you at the time. For best practice, be sure you are warm enough, that you have a little uninterrupted time to yourself, a comfortable place to sit and have your journal nearby in case you want to jot down anything. Oh, and from experience, be sure you've let the dog out AND back in before you start!

• Take a moment to notice your feet on the floor and your bottom & backs of legs on the seat. Feel into the connection where your feet and bottom are being supported by the external environment.

• With a fresh mug of tea or coffee sitting in front of you, first notice if your hands are warm or cold. Look closely at your hands. Slowly, gently open and close them a few times and take a moment to appreciate what all they do for you. Then with the cup sitting securely on the surface, slowly bring your hands toward the cup, noticing the moment you begin to first feel the warmth radiating from the cup and pause there. Then back your hands up a bit and slowly bring it back towards the cup to feel the warmth; do this a few times, noticing your hands feeling the alternating warmth then room temp sensations. When the mug is not too hot, pick it up and take time to notice the weight of the mug and how the heat feels on the surface of your hand(s) that is holding it. Think about each finger tip individually and sense the warmth and pressure of them against the cup. Give the mug a slight squeeze and notice the sensation of the change in warmth and pressure. Alternate the pressure from squeezing a little then letting go a little and notice the sensations in your hands as you do so. Then, think about the back of your hand and the contrast to the feeling in the palm of your hand holding the cup. Slowly alternate your attention from the palm to the back of your hand a few times. Then, take a warm hand and place it gently on your cheek at the jawline, cupping the side of your face lovingly. Stay in that place for a bit and feel the sensation of warmth on your face. You can contrast that to the side of your face that is not being held and then alternate your attention between the two sides, noticing each. Then set the cup down and hold the sides of your face in both hands with tenderness, as a mother would her young child. You can say to yourself, “I got you” or anything that feels supportive. Focus on the physical sensation of your hands on your face. You can also try bringing a slight smile to your face and see how that feels. If it doesn’t feel good or right, then don’t force it. We are socialized to put a smile on top of the painful feelings and this is part of the reason we need to do this work in the first place. This process is about being our authentic selves. Emotions may arise and if you’re able, sit with them and let them pass through. If it’s ever too much, stop the activity, get up, walk around and distract yourself. It’s ok and you are still benefiting from the practice!

Our ultimate goal with this type of work is to eventually create a sense of safety in our bodies. That can be very difficult in our modern world, without deliberate practice, especially if there is trauma and/or chronic stress stored in your body. However, as you continue to do this work, your nervous system capacity will increase and the stored sympathetic energy will begin to release naturally.

If you try this exercise, please let me know about your experience (if you’d like to share)!

Much love!